HW 48 - Family Perspectives on the Care of the Dead (Read This One)

My interview with my mother:

“What was the first death you experienced?”

“My friend Patrick who died of leukemia, when I was 16.”

“How did his family care for his death?”

“He had converted from catholic to Islam, the day after he died there was a wake, and it was open casket. The next day was the funeral; there was no open casket, because his mother was upset about having him exposed again. His head was facing east so the casket was moved a certain direction, because of religious purposes. People said their prayers than his casket was being buried, as that was happening his mother had a horrendous scream, which gave everyone chills and everyone started crying and so did I. He was 18.”

“What was your first experience with a death in our family?”

“My grandmothers death (my great grandmother). I was a sophomore in college when my roommate had gotten a call from my mother, when I got to my dorm and my roommate told me the message I did not believe her and was upset with her. The next day I flew back to New York from D.C. When I got to home it was hectic, because family from all over were coming in, staying at different relatives houses, there was a dinner and people were crying and rekindling. I had missed the wake because it happened the day I found out. The following day (the third day) was the funeral/church service, which hundreds of people came to. My grandmothers body was in the front of the church and it was an open casket, everyone went near to say their goodbyes, I stayed in the back, and was still able to see her body, but didn't want get close to it. After all that the casket was closed, and was carried into the hearse, and was taken to the cemetery, which people drove to as well. People said their last words, and the body was being buried, which is when I and many others and I broke down. After that a lot people went back to my great grandmothers house talking about her and stuff, but because their were so many people the family ended up renting out a hall. During the time people we’re talking about my grandmother and their memories of her, I stepped outside the house, because I couldn't take listening to any of peoples conversations, and I was getting annoyed with questions such as "how do you feel?" Which I thought was a stupid to ask. While I was outside and thinking to myself I was barely able to breathe from the anger I felt. But later that day I realized how much people loved my grandmother by the amount of people in the house, which made me feel a bit better.”

My mothers experience with her grandmother’s death, and my friends experience with their parent’s death, has many similarities. Such as they hated questions like "how do you feel?" "Do you feel better?" because no one ever fully recovers from a lost of a love one. Another similarity is that, at first when they got the news they didn't believe it at first, and weren't fully affected until after the funeral. The last similarity is that the whole process occurred in a 3 day span mourning, wake & funeral.